During my early years as an addictions counselor with my trainee’s license, I was often asked by clients “How can we communicate with our family and friends that we don’t want to drink without disclosing we are in recovery during the holidays?”. After discussing with Jan, my clinical supervisor at the time, she said “No, Thanks. I’ve had enough”. She went on to elaborate how protective this factor is without resorting to denying the struggles one might be facing without resorting to behaviors that we are trying to turn away from such as lying. Some of us have had enough mind alternating substances for a lifetime and we truly are at the point of being done. It is a boundary, and it will help us distinguish between people in our lives that encourage healthy behaviors vs people who don’t respect our wishes.
As the years pass, I realized how powerful this phrase is. It is a boundary that is not only set for the people around us but also serves as the internal boundaries we can set for ourselves. We aren’t just telling others we have had enough but it is something that we can tell ourselves and it can be for any behavior we are trying to change without having to disclose our struggles to others if we are not ready. For example, maybe we struggle with self-harm behaviors, and we are having our compulsive side starting to hog the thoughts of our brain. We can tell that side of us “No, thanks. I’ve had enough”. Maybe we struggle being able to put work down and we know it is impacting other important areas in our life. “No. Thanks. I have had enough”. Or maybe we keep going back to a relationship that we know is not healthy for us. What do you think would happen if we told the other party “No, Thanks. I’ve had enough”? Like all new boundaries, it will be tested. When things get hard, we just fall back onto our boundary with the simple phrase “No, thanks. I have had enough”. With practice, this boundary will become easier to enforce within ourselves and with others. One key to a good boundary is being persistent with it. If that is difficult, don’t be afraid to walk away until you can get back into the next moment of strength to stick to your guns.
Journal Questions
1) What is one behavior that I am working on?
2) Why is it important to me to work on this behavior?
3) How can the phrase “No, thanks. I’ve had enough” be integrated into my steps on correcting the behavior?
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